It’s time to play biker bingo! How many can you spot?
When you’ve been on the road for long enough, you start to see certain kinds of biker regularly cross your path. Here are some of the most common – give yourself a point whenever you see one on your travels.
These bikers have watched the first season of Sons of Anarchy and suddenly think they’re the real deal.
There’s not a crease in their leathers, and their bike is so clean you could eat your dinner off it.
These riders – some would say “posers” – can usually be found at bike shows where they proudly display their gleaming machine. Closer inspection usually reveals that there’s only a few hundred miles on the clock.
The inseparable couple, even while on the road. These pillion riders are practically joined at the hip.
You’ll often catch these bikers finishing each other’s sentences, leaning in sync with precision and showing too much PDA for anyone to handle.
It’s a special thing when you can find someone who loves motorbikes as much as you.
But if you’re a lone rider alongside a pillion couple, the phrase “third wheel” springs to mind.
The official unofficial name for a reckless, inexperienced biker. We won’t tell you the origins of the name – Google it if you want to find out the gory details.
These bikers are usually quite young, and more often than not have only just got their motorbike licence.
What they’re severely lacking is any kind of protective clothing, respect for the rules of the road and common sense.
Luckily, squids don’t stay squids for long. They’ll grow out of it … eventually.
The bike whisperer
These bikers are the wise men of the road. The two-wheeled gurus. They’ve been riding for so long you can’t tell where the bike ends and the person begins.
These riders aren’t part of a club – they answer to no one but the road. They’re completely attuned to their bike and know it better than they know themselves.
All the bike whisperer needs is the feel of the wind in their hair, the thrum of the engine below and the joy of hitting the road.
This is as close to true enlightenment as you’re likely to get on two wheels.
How many mirrors is too many? For these bikers, this is more a challenge than a question.
Their bike may be a fashion statement, a repository for souvenirs, or one of those things that “just got out of hand”.
The accessoriser is likely to be seen with handlebar fringes, stickers, and dozens of mirrors.
They’re probably wearing a heavily customised helmet too.
An off-shoot of the accessoriser, the gadgeteer is clad in as much tech as you can feasibly fit on a rider.
Their bike has the latest GPS navigation installed, their handlebars have attached MP3 speakers, and their helmet is crowned with a GoPro camera.
And though you can’t see it, you can bet your brain bucket that they’ve got a Bluetooth communicator built into their helmet.
If they’re a full tech-head, they’ve likely got their mitts on a Skully AR-1 augmented reality helmet.
Do they even enjoy riding a bike? We can’t tell.
You’ll see the jobsworth riding through city traffic, night and day, in some of the worst weather Old Blighty can throw at them.
Whether acting as a courier or a pizza delivery service, they’re there to make your life that little bit easier.
So even though they may not enjoy the ride, they’ve earned our respect. Godspeed, jobsworth.